Udskrevet

Blev udskrevet i onsdags d. 15.01.20. Tog direkte ned til min mor, for ikke at være alene. Og har sovet de sidste to dage ved min mand. Er kommet hjem her til formiddag til et hjem, som trænger alvorligt til at blive ryddet op, men magter det helt ærligt ikke. Lidt musik i ørerne gør dog en forskel, så lidt er der blevet gjort. Er dog træt nu og magter ikke mere, så jeg ligger mig nok snart til at sove og håber på, at dette giver mig energi til at rydde lidt mere op igen, når jeg vågner.

Jeg var i daghospitalet i går. Der var rigtig mange mennesker, hvilket udfordrede mig helt vildt, så jeg endte med at være der cirka 2 timer, så måtte jeg tage afsted, for jeg kunne ikke overskue mere. Jeg fik snakket med min kontaktperson. Hun er rigtig sød, men imens jeg var indlagt opdagede jeg noget i min journal, som gjorde jeg mistede total tillid til hende. Heldigvis er den genoprettet efter vi fik snakket om hvad det egentlig var hun havde fortalt til den sygeplejerske, der tog imod beskeden. Om man så kan stole 100 % på det er svært at vide, men jeg vælger at tro på det gode i folk og stoler på det hun siger. Har indtil nu heller ikke haft grund til andet.

Desværre så blev jeg jo fyret, imens jeg var indlagt og det gør stadig ondt, at snakke om, for jeg var så glad for den praktikplads. Men jeg får mere og mere forståelse, for beslutningen. Jeg håbede, at jeg kunne erstatte praktikken med flere dage i daghospitalet, men de har simpelthen så mange patienter i øjeblikket, og som min kontaktperson sagde, så skal jeg jo ogå skabe mig en hverdag uden for daghospitalet, for jeg bliver jo ikke ved med at være tilknyttet. Og dette er svært. Jeg ved at alting har sin ende før eller siden, men jeg har det altid svært med at afslutte noget jeg er glad for. Og især tankerne om at “forlade” de mennesker, som er kommet til at betyde en forskel i mit liv er rigtig svært. Jeg vil rigtig gerne vise dem min taknemmelighed.

Jeg har fået en tid til cvu, så nu kan jeg endelig blive udredt. Det er jeg så mega spændt på. Tænk hvis jeg ikke “fejler” noget og jeg bare er hypokonder eller lignende. Tanken er skræmmende. Men får i det mindste klarhed. Ville dog ønske, at jeg var blevet sendt derhen noget tidligere, så jeg kunne have fået en rette hjælp for længe siden. Men nu må vi se hvad udfaldet bliver, som sagt er det ikke engang sikkert at jeg har nogle personligheds forstyrrelse. Dog har de vidst sat en diagnose på mig – social angst, så der er et eller andet. Nu skal de bare udspecificere om det er det og om jeg har andre ting ligeså.

26 meninger om “Udskrevet”

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