Ned ad bakke

Jeg er selvmordstruet. Jeg kan slet ikke finde fodfæste. Jeg kvæles i egne tanker, om alt det mørke der fylder i mit hoved.

Jeg har i sidste uge været sammen med mine børn nede ved min mor. Det var hyggeligt, men også hårdt. Og tror det har skubbet mig det sidste stykke ud over kanten. De sidste 14 dage føler jeg er gået ned ad bakke, men efter samværet ved min mor og derefter hjemkomst til min mand, der er det kun gået mere ned ad bakke. Jeg har intet overskud. Jeg har skåret i mig selv igen. Denne gang er der tekst på også, så nu står der dø og værdiløs på mit lår, for det var og er følelserne. Jeg er brugt og har mest af alt lyst til, at tage en overdosis, så jeg kan slippe for de mørke tanker. Og så jeg kan få et pusterum.

Tankerne overvælder mig. Jeg magter dem ikke.

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