Jeg har været her et par gange nu på A1. Og nogle gange er mit indtryk godt. Andre gange føler man sig overset, ikke hørt og forstået. Men oftest bliver der lyttet og hjulpet det bedste de formår.

Jeg fik forleden af vide, at dette ikke var et bosted, hvilket jeg er blevet rimelig ramt på, mest fordi at der er en medpatient, som har været her efterhånden et halv år. Og så bliver jeg ramt af at allerede efter en uges tid, så får jeg af vide at dette ikke er et bosted. Jeg føler mig uretfærdig behandlet, selvom jeg jo godt ved, hvor de vil hen med det. Jeg kan godt gro lidt fast her, fordi her er for mig trygge rammer, nogle at snakke med og nogle der spørger indtil, hvordan jeg har det. Og her er ikke lige så ensomt, som det er derhjemme. Og det er oftest ensomheden der fylder og gør at jeg gør dumme ting, som at skære i mig selv, og som denne gang tage en overdosis.

Jeg havde haft det skidt et par dage, men min kontaktperson på daghospitalet ville at jeg prøvede, at bruge de ting som jeg havde skrevet på min sikkerhedsplan. Red. En seddel hvor man skriver ens strategier, for ikke at gøre selvskade eller begå selvmord. Og hvem man skal kontakte, hvis det brænder på. Og om man eventuelt har noget der hjemme, som man kan skade sig selv med. Efter to dage i mit eget helvede valgte jeg at tage en håndfuld sovemedicin. Så valgte min kontaktperson, at jeg skulle indlægges. Jeg var træt i to dage efter denne overdosis, hvor jeg næsten ikke kunne hænge sammen.

Jeg har prøvet at kvæle mig selv i min oplader, imens jeg har været her. De tror ikke rigtig på mig, fordi jeg ikke havde mærker efter det. Jeg har prøvet, at se om jeg kunne hænge mig selv i gardinet, men dette var ikke muligt. En anden patient foreslog bruseforhænget, da det er længere. Men da jeg sagde det til personalet, at jeg havde overvejet dette, fik jeg af vide at dette ikke er muligt, da det er lavet til at blive hevet ned, hvis man prøver. Om hun sagde dette bare for at få mig til ikke at gøre forsøget ved jeg ikke. Jeg var da ude og teste om jeg kunne få bruseforhænget rundt om halsen, hvilket var muligt. Jeg prøvede også at hive lidt i det, for at se hvad det kunne holde til. Men ikke nok til, at det ville falde ned.

Jeg har haft en del selvskadende tanker, men jeg er ikke så god til, at komme til personalet med dem, så de ved ikke hvor slemt det nogle gange står til. Jeg er generelt ikke god til, at komme til personalet andet end for at få stukket en pille i hånden, så mit tankemylder går væk.

Jeg har efterhånden været her en gang i måneden siden min første indlæggelse. Det er skræmmende på mange måder. Men jeg kan hører på mine med patienter, at de også kommer ind flere gange end kun en. Jeg tror lidt det er typisk for psykiatrien, at når man først stifter bekendtskab med det, så bliver det oftest ikke kun en gang, hvor man har brug for at komme herind.

21 meninger om “Psykiatrien”

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