Udredt

Så blev jeg langt om længe færdig udredt. Jeg ved ikke hvordan jeg skal forholde mig til, at jeg nu endelig ved at jeg har en sygdom og at jeg ikke bare er “skør”. Jeg har fået diagnosen ængstelig evasiv. Dette kan i læse meget mere om ved at søge på google, hvis dette skulle have interesse.

Jeg havde en rigtig svær dag i foregårs, fordi jeg var så bange for hvad testen ville vise. Ville den have betydning for, om jeg kunne have mine drenge eller hvad skulle der nu ske. Jeg har fundet ud af efter længere samtale med flere, at jeg jo sådan set altid har været sådan her, så det ændre jo ikke noget i forhold til mine børn. Det var bare rigtig svært at være i. Så jeg endte med selvskade og ringe til både det psykiatriske akuttilbud samt vagtlægen. Akut må ikke tage mig ind i disse Corona tider og desuden har de en politik, om at de ikke tager folk ind der selvskader. Så jeg skulle ringe til vagtlægen. Vagtlægen fortalte jeg skulle ligge mig til, at sove så jeg kunne glemme de negative tanker, hvis disse ikke forsvandt var jeg selvfølgelig velkommen til, at ringe igen. Jeg faldt heldigvis i søvn. Jeg skadet også mig selv i går og har ligeså gjort det i dag.

Jeg kan ikke rumme at der endelig er en diagnose, så jeg kan ikke være i mig selv. Jeg har ventet så længe med at få af vide, at jeg rent faktisk er sådan her af en grund. Og det er i en alder af næsten 32 år. Jeg er skræmt over, at det har taget så lang tid, men samtidig så lettet over, at der endelig er sat ord på.

Jeg har været hjemme ved en veninde de sidste to dage, hvor vi har hygget os med hækling, madlavning og ellers bare siddet og snakket. Og dette har hjulpet mig, at have noget at give mig noget til i dagtimerne, men ligeså snart jeg kommer hjem går det galt igen.

Jeg har brug for hjælp, men ved ikke hvilke hjælp jeg har brug for. Jo, jeg kunne godt bruge en kugledyne, så jeg kan få ro. Men en sådan kan jeg ikke få. Og jeg har desværre ikke selv råd til, at købe en.

Pas på jer selv..

68 meninger om “Udredt”

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