Svær tid – kedsomhed pga. Corona´en, som hærger.

Tankerne kører rundt i hovedet på mig. Ikke så meget om selve Corona, udover jeg er bange for nogle nære bliver ramt af sygdommen. Nej, jeg er mere urolig for den kedsomhed, som den medbringer. Og det virker virkelig skørt, for jeg har ikke så meget at give mig til på en almindelig dagligdag, men det rammer mig alligevel, for jeg kan ikke komme på daghospitalet. Jeg kan ikke tage på akut og overnatte, hvis jeg føler det bliver en nødvendighed. Jeg kan ikke tage hen og snakke med min mentor. Mit møde med min sagsbehandler er blevet aflyst.

Og ikke mindst så er mit barns konfirmation flyttet til senere på året, ligesom alle andre konfirmanders store dag er blevet rykket. Det er både godt og skidt. Det giver lidt ekstra tid til, at spare sammen. Men jeg kunne forestille mig, at mit barn og de mange andre konfirmander havde glædet sig til denne store dag. Heldigvis bliver det jo ikke aflyst, men blot rykket til senere på året.

Jeg keder mig og prøver virkelig, at benytte mig af alle mine strategier, men der er alt for meget tid at gøre godt med. Jeg mangler at komme afsted til daghospitalet, at tage hen til min mentor og ikke mindst at komme til møde ved min sagsbehandler. Specielt mangler jeg de knus, som jeg er så heldig at få af min mentor og sagsbehandler. Den varme, som det giver den mangler jeg. Den tryghed, kærlighed og glæde, som det knus det giver mig. Ja, det mangler jeg helt enorm.

Jeg har dog gud ske lov noget, at give mig til de næste to dage. Jeg skal til udredning både mandag og tirsdag. Og mandag skal jeg også mødes med min kontaktperson fra daghospitalet. Mon ikke vi skal ud på en lille gå tur, så vi er i det fri og ikke for tæt på hinanden. Vi skulle jo nødig ende med en eventuel smitte. Jeg glæder mig til, at blive færdig med udredning. Mest fordi at så ved jeg om, der eventuelt er noget “galt” med mig eller om det er mit selvværd, som er synderen. Uanset håber jeg bare at jeg kan få den hjælp jeg har brug for, så jeg kan “vokse” og blive mig. Den person som gemmer sig indeni og bare skriger på, at komme ud. Jeg vil så gerne lukke den ud, men jeg ved ikke hvordan. Jeg er så bange for at folk ikke kan lide den der kommer ud. Tænk hvis den skaber flere problemer end løsninger. Jeg vil så gerne stå stærkere i mig selv. Så håber inderligt, at jeg kan få den hjælp jeg søger/har brug for.

Pas på hinanden..

28 meninger om “Svær tid – kedsomhed pga. Corona´en, som hærger.”

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